ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
