I smell stomach acid.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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