PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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