we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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