I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
