All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
