Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
