if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
