Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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