I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
