how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
