what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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