i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize