I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
