Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
