3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
