Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We got so high we made milksteak
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
