If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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