I am puke
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
