You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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