That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
