He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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