he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
