I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
