when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
