I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize