only if we run a train.
done.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
