I cockslap morals
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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