I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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