My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize