i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
