it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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