You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize