Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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