eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
