mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
