Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
