And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
