Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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