Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize