Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
