Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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