all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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