OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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