Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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