i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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