I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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