I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize