he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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