Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
