Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
