so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
