She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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