I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Pooping to opera.
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