I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
