history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
