Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
