we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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