He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize