I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
