Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he puts the penis in happiness.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
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