remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
