i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
