is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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