Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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