i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
