Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
