sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I touched a dick in church today
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
