I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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