my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
