I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
