What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
