Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
