she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
