Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
