I'm really into asian looking animals
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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