There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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